Try to say this out loud: "I love masturbation." It doesn't exactly roll off your tongue and make you feel proud. But don't be surprised if you hear somebody exclaim it. Recent studies show that 85% of women and 99% of men masturbate, and more women come via manual stimulation than any other single erotic act, including intercourse. So a popular thrill is mutual masturbation, where sex partners face each other and simultaneously masturbate each other's genitals. It's what people do when they don't want to fuck each other but want to play. The traditional secret-and-solo dry-spell jerkoff smacks of depravity in this interconnected and affluent world where privacy is obsolete and the personal is political; where, as our President knows, one person's exhibitionism is another's voyeurism. So recreational masturbation has come out in the open, and turned into a spectator sport. Suddenly masturbation parties have become popular social events for average curious heterosexuals.
     If you've never attended one, masturbation parties are the preppy offspring of gay men's jack-off nights and New Agers' hot-tub jerkathons; they take place in private houses or rented clubs, and the host invites colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances, loose-knit friends, and dates; men and women sit around, drink, chat, at first awkwardly, discover common interests, comment on the daily vicissitudes and on their rediscovery of masturbation as safe sex or as self-knowledge or a philosophy of life, and then, at a designated signal, as the wine wears them out, they start to masturbate, with or without clothes on, with or without a partner, with or without conversation, as the climax to an otherwise ordinary cocktail party. The unspoken sexual pact typically excludes impassioned groping, kissing, penetration, and intercourse in front of the others. (If dildos or toys are encouraged, it's mentioned in the invitation.) The mood is revivalist, Esalen-like: it celebrates coming-without-intercourse as an expression of social commerce. 
     These get-togethers are erotic in the way strip clubs are: guys like the visual cornucopia of lots of different, exposed and objectified, female genitalia; some want to test their expertise or briefly explore sex with total strangers; some get a rush from the discomfort and competitiveness they feel with each other (it's impossible not to compare their penis and ejaculate sizes, though guys don't openly watch each other on these occasions). Women like the opportunity to show off any hidden sexual talents (such as long-distance ejaculation, loud orgasmic crescendos, or adroit handjobs) and let loose their barely dormant horniness, while shopping for a potential new lover. It's common for people to pair off and leave or disappear in a bathroom for a quickie. Singles can make out without running the risk of exchanging fluids or phone numbers or promises of future dates that will be regretted the morning after. Experience-junkies appreciate the rare chance to bring a 19-year-old and a 60-year-old to orgasm (the age range is young, but, thanks to the open invitation, exceptions trickle in). Both men and women get off on the knowledge that they're being watched as they're performing a very private sex act. It's flashers' Eden.
     If you find yourself invited to a mutual masturbation, here is how to do it in style:
     A. Masturbating before an audience: Despite its egalitarian nature, jacking off requires flair, even artistry, when practiced in public. Performance anxiety can stem from the fact that one has spanked the monkey the better part of a lifetime unobserved. So if you want to try jerking-off around people with whom you normally only exchange stock insights, recipes, or your versions of Paris, remember that, technically, one shouldn't masturbate simply to get it over with. Think of it as another form of courtship. Masturbating may no longer be a learning experience for you, but those who observe you learn about you, so don't rush it and don't look like you hate yourself for doing it. This isn't meat you're handling, but a potential object of desire for a beholder. As Woody Allen put it, masturbation is you loving yourself.
     B. Masturbating as a couple: This is the first step to masturbating in company. It lets lovers discover their hidden erotic sides, live out fantasies, undo their intimacy. Tell your girl you'd love to see her touch herself, in bed or in the shower or before a window. Or say you want to learn from the hand of the master and pleasure her. If she is embarrassed, urge her to remove only her panties, begin in the dark, by herself, and forget that you'll walk in on her. If she can't get into it, or if she feels cheated of sex, simply take out your penis and stroke it; most women like to watch men get hard—it's the only magic men can effect and  brings out women's empathy and reminds them of girlhood. (Most women feel betrayed or inadequate if their men need to masturbate, so don't admit you masturbate alone.) If you're sensual while playing with yourself, she'll get with the program and, before you know it, you'll be having mutual orgasms like she always wanted. Gradually, take over masturbating her, if only to encourage her to masturbate you: having a sex partner jerk you off feels much more forbidden than intercourse, because of the early shame attached to it. It can be spiced up with costuming, role-playing (you Rapist, me Jane), and home-videotaping. Take a test: If the sight of a loved one playing with herself doesn't make you feel left out or abandoned, if it frees you to visualize varied scenarios revolving around her orifices, then your relationship is a healthy one, and you have the aptitude to participate successfully in communal onanisms.
     C. Masturbating with friends: This is the next step to expanding your masturbatory scope. It usually happens unexpectedly, during a downtime from romance or in the face of loss or depression. (This is what faghags do with gay friends, straight women with lesbians, etc.) Suddenly you see a friend in a different light; one of you makes an advance; you don't want to complicate your relationship, and lack basic magnetism; you compromise by masturbating together. The act demonstrates your genuine fellow feeling, satisfies your curiosity, and nurtures your special psychic connection, while keeping infatuation where it belongs. The key is to be semi-clinical: expose both your genitals simultaneously; compliment your friend's sexual parts, with dispassion, as if they were sculpture; avoid lingerie or toys, and do it in living rooms, kitchens, automobiles, movie theaters; the best place is in front of a TV, the best time during a ball game or war coverage. Keep Kleenex at hand, so your sperm won't lie around reminding you of your lack of passion for each other or anyone else, or your one-sided passion. Tuck away your genitals quickly, cuddle for a maximum of one minute, then say something like, "That was fun. Now where's the popcorn?" Don't refer to it the next day, especially not to thank or apologize. Get on with the friendship and watch out for signs of emotional confusion. It can be good for friends to do it once or twice; but if you make a weekly ritual of it, when one friend gets a real lover, that friendship will be lost. Finally, if you've masturbated with friends individually, you may have a ready-made club; invite them to bring a friend each, along with drinks, snacks, gloves (surgical, rubber), blinds, oils, lotions, and pillows.
     D. Masturbating with strangers: All you need is a sense of the joy of orgasm as public spectacle, and the desire to see and be seen. This is sheer superficial fun. Even if you join groups who've gone fishing together for years, you can feel welcome. These are people who don't otherwise enter your life. Feel free not to masturbate anybody or be masturbated by anybody you don't fancy more than yourself. Masturbation clubs tend to be unaggressive, vegetarian, techie, crafts rather than arts oriented, made up of couples who don't cheat, singles who don't have feral gazes, and folks who view sexual release as both entertainment and cosmic bond. Good manners require that you masturbate with whomever you're talking to, based on their sense of humor rather than looks. You can pair off, or form trios and quartets, or stay isolated. Women can masturbate women, but men don't get physically close to other men. Once nudity sets in, respect the caveat that bodies are accepted for their unattractive (i.e., ordinary) states of being. Be as wet as possible and come in buckets—your orgasm makes others happy. No one is racing to a finish. Notably, women are more adept at jerking off men than men are with women. Men ask what feels good. Rather, watch women masturbate. Don't head straight for the clitoris with a vigor that suggests you're polishing a tabletop. Women's fingers tend to flit, like butterflies. Rub circularly, apply vertical pressure that gains speed according to her breath, stay methodical until her belly ripples and sweats and her body convulses.
     Masturbation has shed its image of a grim task left to loners with the anti-social edge of Travis Bickle. All men masturbate, whether to relieve stress, reconnect with themselves, overcome a hangover or round off a workout, or imagine themselves as universal objects of desire and perpetrators of astounding erotic feats; younger men masturbate before sex so they won't come too soon and spoil  the experience; older men have spermless, Zen orgasms during sex, and masturbate afterward to clear the tubes. But, at its best, masturbation can be the drama itself.